Guaranteed Self Destruction

My last blog post was something cryptic about fun. At the time I posted that, I was contemplating this grand post about writing, fun, and the lack thereof. Well, honestly, trying to come up with that has been downright depressing and I’m not too interested in doing that. So this will be short and to the point :

The past three years, I just haven’t had any fun writing. I came closer to giving up the whole thing than I ever have in my life.

Asymonte was the first time I ever tried writing a novel and I had fun. I don’t just mean ‘This is a pleasurable experience’. I mean ‘This is a goddamn blast and I’m loving these characters and let’s see what awesome things we can do today’. I talked with Steph about it all the time, teasing her with plot twists, relishing in finding new ways to get my characters into (and out of ) trouble, and listening to loud music as I pounded out vivid fight scenes.

When I finished Asymonte, I tried to write something different – Sci Fi since I’d been so immersed in Fantasy (Asymonte took 7+ years and 4 drafts to complete). That book was Genie Memories which led me to Viable Paradise. And thus, my problems began.

First things first – Viable Paradise is not to blame for this. Nope. Not a chance. I met a ton of great people there, got to hang out and learn with some of the best, and had a wonderful time. I’d do it again in a heart beat.

The failure came on this end – me, myself, and that ass known as I.

I applied every lesson I learned at VP wrong. Every paragraph and sentence needed a purpose. The story’s theme had to resonate in everything. Each word had to be perfect or it wasn’t worth moving on.  Was I using too many adjectives? Can I use an exclamation point here? What about [INSERT NONSENSICAL THING HERE]?

In short – I paralyzed myself. (Ironically, there was a lecture at VP that mentioned this very thing. One more lesson I forgot.)

The long and short of it though was that I wasn’t having any fun. Writing became a business and a chore. Yes, there is a business aspect to it but that’s for another time. That part doesn’t matter if you can’t get the words on the page and you can’t get the words on the page if you aren’t having any fun.

So that’s what I’m aiming for. I want to have fun. I’ve started a new novel, a stand alone fantasy that so far has no title. It’s been on my radar for a while so I had a go at it. I don’t know how it’ll turn out. Don’t know if it’ll ever be read outside of my house. But who cares?

The characters are surprising me. The scenes are vivid again.  I’m feeling some of that old flow back in the fingers again. And I’m having fun writing again.


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