The Bachelor Diaries – Day 3

Editors Note – While Steph is in Sweden, Matt is left alone to fend for himself.  Now we shall take a look into Day 3 of his Bachelor Diaries.

Food

It has proven difficult for this non-foodie to cook for himself after years of being married to a foodie.  In normal situations I would have sustained myself using prepared meals or restaurant food.  However, I am determined to fend for myself.

My first attempt at a ‘real dinner’ was to cook a chicken in the oven.  I succeeded in this yet learned a number of valuable lessons :

  1. The feathers should be removed prior to cooking as, contrary to my belief, they do not add any flavor to the finished product.
  2. Chickens become very upset when you try to stuff them into an oven.  Fortunately, we had an abundant supply of band-aids.

I took an easier route this afternoon and had a bowl of Cookie Crisp for a snack.  Only I didn’t buy the cereal, I made chocolate chip cookies and put some in a bowl.  And being lactose intolerant, I did not put in milk.  So … in spirit, I ate a bowl of Cookie Crisp.  It was good.

Social Interactions

I feel that I am losing my social skills.

For instance, Monday evening I went to visit our friend Jim where he too expressed similar concerns about interacting with other people.  After mutual greetings, we proceeded to attack one another for the next hour in the guise of ‘Self-Defense Class’.  I kicked him in the face.  He punched me in the mouth.  We parted hoping that this practice will allow us to better interact with others.

In an effort to counter these fading skills, I wander the house talking to myself.  I make certain that most of the statements are inaccurate or ludicrous.  I then almost immediately correct myself, albeit in a slightly higher pitched voice.  This helps keep me grounded.

On occasion, I do allow myself to be correct.  I am rationing this, however, lest the euphoria go to my head.

The Cat

Sensing the absence of the dominant humanoid life form, the Cat has wasted no time in exerting his position in the household structure.  He has succeeded in this.  I am feeding him whenever he demands, grooming him nightly, and even cleaning his litter box.

I hope by continuing this he will allow me to sleep in the bed instead of on the couch.

The Dog

Also noticing the female’s absences, the Dog is doubling his efforts to fill the gap.  This involves scratching at the door every hour on the hour.  Twice between the hours of midnight and four a.m.